Jan 1, 2017

2017, and so how is my bucket list doing?

A year ago on New Year’s Day I was holding my new journal in my hands. Roses in strong, crisp and powerful colors exploding over the cover. Sensing it would take me through 2016, the year when I was turning 60. Feeling energy and inspiration running into my body, actually changing my whole mindset about the year.

My personal 2016 has been as colorful and strong as the journal cover. Exciting, dramatic, unexpected, passionate, fulfilling, unfulfilled, devastating, disappointing, shameful, blessed and euphoric. Every color of those roses.

On the paper it looked like life post the delivery of the big documentary I had been working on (which happened in February) and my equally big birthday (which happened in March) would calm down. The plan was to at that time allow myself to enjoy my Bucket List. Did I?

Well, life has it’s ways. The exciting, dramatic, unexpected, passionate, fulfilling, unfulfilled, devastating, disappointing, shameful, amazing, blessed and euphoric happened. Every color of those roses happened. It went on for many many months. And then I wrapped up my year with an energy-sucking ever lasting cold and a Donald Trump PTSD. Finally pulling myself together, finding my footing by creating my company’s new amazing web site. Fulfilling!

I actually have a hard time saying goodbye to 2016, and especially the journal. Although the year to a large degree has been exhausting, it’s by far means been my best since 2010, the year of recapturing my life after the cancer. 

So, I now need to envision 2017. There is a new journal of course. As nothing can top the roses, I will hesitantly be taking it on. It’s a lily pond. More or less a Monet pond. Which at this time of my life is too harmonic, soft and romantic.

The thing is though, 2016 included a lily pond experience. There is one, not too far from my place. I used to pass it all the time in my former life when I took long walks. Stopping by talking to the water lilies especially while blooming. Not anymore though. The thought of looking as those beautiful flowers ever again has ben as impossible as the idea of returning to Seattle.

During late summer though I became stronger. My pelvis more stable. I could extend my strolls. And one afternoon I found myself standing by the water lilies.

I was light headed. Would I faint? 2012. Or was it even 2011? Last time I last talked to the lilies. In the afternoon sun I felt like I was standing all alone at an airport somewhere far away out in the wide wide world.

During my more stable period I visited the water lilies when I could. Every time in amazed wonder. I never imagined it possible again.

The lily pond in my hand this New Year’s Day evening is painted in strong colors. The book is sturdy and heavy. It is something to hold on to. As well as a picture of impossible things being possible. Literary. 

I am thinking it might have been a good thing there wasn’t time for my bucket list projects in 2016. They are still there and they are all fun! And I will think about them as lily ponds. Each one of them reachable although it might not feel that way. And why cram them in in one year, that’s just silly! No, 2017 will be the year of one of my bucket list projects, it’s going to be very exciting to see which. So 2017, I welcome you!

P.S. For many years I have been dreaming about writing Swedish lyrics to the equally beautiful and sad song Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas. A quite impossible task. But this New Years I did. I did it! Although it has not been on my bucket list I am thinking it mentally was. And now it’s done. Check!

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