The first drops fell as they still laughing waived goodbye, kissed me and left. Half an hour later it was poring down and the gusty gail swept August away.
I have had the most amazing summer. Whether wise it’s been typically Swedish. There was this one warm week entering June. And then two weeks the latter part of July. In between a kind of every other day rain and shine. And August a cold disappointment. So.
I have spent every possible minute horizontal in my new sun chair on the west wall, facing that big fireball up there, charging my body battery. My body is happy when it’s warm. And when my body is happy, I am happy. It might be why I have had a lot more energy than normal. Energy making me want to do things. And energy actually making it happen!
As I, because of my physical restrictions can’t do anything on my own, I am depending on good will from friends and family. And as there are more people than me involved, every little thing turns into a project which I am managing and in charge of. In other words, a lot of work. But if I didn’t, nothing would happen. And I am so grateful I have had the energy for it this summer.
So, what did I do? Well, I have been visiting relatives and I have had relatives visiting me. There was the the 5-girl high school reunion and the annual neighborhood barbecue. I got to see the dream house a friend of mine is building at a lake together with her dream man. And I have even had a few dinners out, hasn’t happened since May 2013.
Every one of these things has been like a shining pearl. The weather gods have been exceptionally good to me, the sun has been out for every single one of these occasions. Wether the event has been away or happening in my garden under my apple tree, the colors have been bright and the sky high.
One is a very precious gem. For years and years I have been dreaming of visiting a special place connected to my childhood. My sister and I grew up in Nordmaling, 45 minutes south of Umeå. Our parents were a part of such a great gang of friends, and they all had summer cabins close to each other at the water in Bredvik outside the small town. We were often invited, and the late summer weekends are to med among the dearest of childhood memories.
Last week it finally happened. My sister and I drove down to Bredvik to visit Gudrun and Ulf. Our dad was a pastry chef in the bakery and coffee shop owned by Gudrun and Ulf’s parents, and they were all the best of friends. Ulf and Gudrun are older than my sister and me, they had already left the nest when we were young, but we share our childhoods by the mutual memories of our parents and friends, the bakery, the small town, and the cabins at the water.
Again, it was a warm and sunny day, the only one that week. I reckoned I was 16 my last summer weekend in Ulf and Gudrun’s parents cabin, a skinny girl never going anywhere without her guitar, an extension of her body. Being back was kind of magical. Finding those special furniture we remembered. Figuring out how the friend’s cabins were laid out in relation to each other. Talking about our now long gone parents and their friends. Having a summer fika. It was wonderful. Nothing but wonderful. And a dream come true.
I don’t know but it’s been something about this summer. I think some of it has to do with my feeling about myself. A year ago I could throw a very ugly medicine out the window. When I did, fluid started to slowly leave my swollen body. Since then I have lost about 16 pounds (7-8 kilos) and the Maria being hidden and lost for years has emerged and I can recognize myself again when passing a mirror. Also, I can wear favorite summer clothes being buried deep down in my closet all these years, making me so happy, and I’ve even felt beautiful!
Shining pearls on a string. That’s how I have perceived all of my special summer days. I have been absolutely present in a way I have only experienced in the aftermath of cancer. Colors have been brighter, smells more intense, sounds clearer, the sun and wind on my skin more sensual. It is like those days were presented in 5K high definition. Like Fisherman’s Friend in my eyes.
Every one of those days have been complete and consummate. I could wish nothing more from them. They have been my dreams in perfections. I have enjoyed every second to it’s fullest so to the point I have been thinking, is this my last summer? Because this feels like the peak.
And on Friday I realized my final summer 2016 dream. A good part of my home care personal came here for a late summer party. We were six persons around my kitchen table, yes to late in the season for an outside evening now. This is my Civil Care family. The good people taking care of me every day. All year around. Year after year. Dear friends with different backgrounds and nationalities. Friends who are absolutely crucial for my life and existence.
And the evening really became the great summer finale. A fire works of crazy laughter, delicious food, love and warmth, I am still finding myself giggling from it. And I am so grateful. For that one, and all the shining pearls on my summer string.
So, the rain following they leaving the house that evening was the appropriate transition marker. The gusty gail sweeping my summer sensations in to my precious memory bank. Making room for fall.