The nobility of the Nobel Prize?

It is snowing heavily here at the end of the road. The Advent stars are lighting up the afternoon in my windows as well as in my neighbors. I am listening to the Peace Prize laureates Beatrice Fihn and Setsuko Thurlow from ICAN receiving the award in Oslo on this Nobel Day. The message is sad and hopeful, dark and light, just as the day around my house.

So, it’s December 10, the annual event when Sweden - and Norway - is in the limelight of the science world. The day for the Nobel Prize, instituted by Alfred Nobel, inventor of among other things dynamite and artificial silk.

In Sweden, this fall the Nobel Prize has been clouded by shameful news. It is the Royal Swedish Academy which appoints the literature laureate. The Academy was instituted by King Gustav III in 1786 and consists of eighteen members appointed on life time - nowadays by the Academy itself. Their operation and proceedings are ruled by statues from Gustav III. It is a bit like a secret society, but as the members of the Academy are ranked high in regards of trust and irreproachability, it has rather put the Academy even more on a pedestal than been a problem.

Until now. This fall the Royal Swedish Academy is dethroned. No one is safe from #metoo. 

In this case a man married to one of the Academy members and himself a profile within the arts is accused by 18 women for sexual assaults and rape. As if  that wasn’t bad enough these assaults in some cases have happened within the Academy’s facilities and apartments. And it’s been going on for decades. 

This has put the spotlight on the Academy and its closed circle and non-transparent operations. Of course it was common knowledge that this man had been performing inappropriate (to say the least) over years and years. So, what more is going on within the Academy?

2016 another one of the institutions behind the Nobel prizes was under scrutiny. Karolinska Institutet is the institution appointing the prize in medicine. I would say the word scandal was not an overstatement when it became clear that research fraud was prior to star surgeon and researcher Paolo Macchiarini’s - connected to Karolinska Institutet - synthetic organ transplants which caused the death to most of his patients. 

In the Macchiarini case the horrific outcome of an institution so star struck by a famous surgeon they didn’t make a proper back ground check of course was the main focus. I did not pick up a lot of concerns about how the scandal would reflect on the Nobel medicine prize though.

This year, however, there have been discussions regarding the Royal Swedish Academy and it’s role in the Nobel prize. Not when it comes to appointing the laureate, but if there is irregularities within the Academy and what effect that might have on the look of the prize.

The Nobel Prize is the most valuable science award in the world. It is the dream of every scientist, it’s a multi million industry for all the main universities, and it is of definitive importance for the development of the world and mankind. I am thinking it is crucial for the Nobel brand that all organizations, institutions and every person connected to the Nobel Prize process is irreproachable. It is most troublesome when someone is casting dark shadows on the shining Nobel medal. And, as a Swede I might add, on Sweden. How to assure the nobility of the Nobel Prize?

Fortunately the literature laureate Kazuo Ishiguro is not defining his award with what’s going on within the Royal Swedish Academy. And right now he is sitting in the Blue Hall of the Stockholm City Hall decorated with ice and flower arrangements conveying the Archtice nature, listening to ice xylophone and horn, watching dancers in silver and white. In the ceiling an aura borealis, the northern light. The Nobel Dinner is as always an incredible celebration for eyes and ear. And outside my window it’s dark since many hours and the snow is still falling. It's peaceful and comforting.

Me too/the Swedish landslide/part 2

And the landslide keeps rolling…

* Monday November 27 under the hashtag #thelastnailinthecoffin 4627 women within the construction industry sign a petition out of anger, frustration and grief. They are testifying about sexual harassments and assault within a male dominated industry.

* November 28: #thelastbrief is more than 2000 women in the PR and advertising industry writing a brief about sexism and sexual harassments within the profession.

* The same day 3853 teachers sign #notpassed to stop the sexual harassments and assaults from colleagues and principals/heads, as well as students and parents.

* November 29, 1992 women active within equestrian sports puts the spot light on what the environment for girls having the stables as their second home looks like.

* November 30 it’s time for 1730 women serving the country in the Swedish Defense Forces to speak up: “We have joined the Swedish Defense to defend Sweden and the right to live in what ever way we want to. Often though, the worst antagonists have been within our own organization”.

* The same day 1863 women and non-binary convey whats boiling within the restaurant industry, a sector characterized of uncertain terms of employment, hierarchy and a sexist macho culture. 

* Also #excavationinprogress, 387 women in the field of archeology let us know about a sexist structure rooted in the history of archeology.

* 978 women working in green businesses such as farming, forestry, horse business and orchards testify of sexist comments and rapes in barns as well as board rooms.

* More then 1000 nurses witness about sexual harassments at work. In 69% of the reported cases the perpetrator is a patient.

* The largest appeal this far in Sweden was also published Thursday November 29. 10 400 doctors and medical students - women, non-binary and transgender - tell the story about the teaching hierarchy which makes them dependent of senior colleagues for decades in the stairs of career. Because of that, sexual assaults are very rarely reported.

* Friday December 1 #metoobackstage. 1615 women behind Swedish TV-productions, movie and theatre stages testify about how exposed they are at work. About the structures in the name of art allowing men taking advantage of anyone from script writers to tailors in the crew.

* In addition to these industry campaigns I would also like to recognize the prostitutes and the women victims of honor related violence. They are too trying to make their voices heard, from the bottom of or society. From the streets and the hidden silent fear.

These thousands of voices have been added to the Me too movement in Sweden in only a week. And we are now hearing women in true male macho sectors like Swedish Defense Force speaking up. The movement is moving. Moving forward. Onward we go.

Me too/part 3/the Swedish landslide

Some call it a revolution. That’s yet to be seen. But it is certainly a landslide.

It’s about 1,5 month now since the actor Alyssa Milano started the #metoo campaign. In 24 hours 4,7 million women had signed the hashtag in 12 million Facebook postings.

I don’t know much of how the campaign has proceeded around the world. I know some about the US. I am quite familiar about the situation in Sweden though, and it is  extraordinary, choking and frightening. But there is also hope and will power.

This last month professionals from different industries have formed their own campaigns under clever hash tags which would be lost in translations if I tried, so I won’t. Coming out as victims for sexual harassments and assaults, as well as letting the country know the dark and silent secrets going on in their businesses.

* First out, here as well in the US, were the actors. 465 women in the theatre and film industry came out with their names and stories. Followed by 653 singers within the opera- and classical scene. 

* The day after 4445 legal professionals testify about assaults and discrimination within the judicial system, they are backed by the Courts Administration. 

* 1300 women in politics signs a petition against sexual harassments and assaults taking place among the elite of Swedish politicians. 

* 1993 women in the Swedish music industry bear witness about sexual harassments and rapes within the industry. 

* November 19, 1139 women in the tech industry speak up.

* The same week 1501 women in the trade unions sign the hashtag #notnegotiable.

* A few days later 4084 journalists had enough of sexism and assaults among the editorial staffs and in newsroom. #deadline.

* The day after 620 dancers join the movement and 1700 students follow.

* #timeout is the hashtag for 2290 athletes, trainers, sports journalists and supporters.

 *November 24, 2400 academics point out sexual harassments and assaults within the strict hierarchy at the universities. And the same day 1382 women within the Swedish Church join the Me too movement under the hashtag #lettherebelight.

This has all happened within a month and I still might have missed some. I am sure more will follow. Some might not though. It is awfully quiet in the business world for example, still a bastion for men. Is it possible for the women on that scene to come forward and tell their stories? I hope it will be, eventually.

So, what will come out of this? Will these thousands of brave women change anything at all?

They must. The insight that sexism, sexual harassments and assaults towards women goes on most everywhere in our society now sits like a hard fist in the Swedish collective stomach. A number of measures are on the table. Like instituting whistle blower functions in work places and organizations. Allowing women filing anonymous complaints. Educating first responders to look for signs and ask the right questions.

The Swedish government looks very seriously on the hard facts coming up and has summoned a number of institutions. Especially incriminating is the 4445 legal professionals testifying about assaults and discrimination within the judicial system, the government is actually chocked from that information. The foundation of trust for the rule of law is at risk if sexual crime is not taken seriously. And, I am thinking, if the judicial system itself is infected and sick by sexism and harassment, how can we trust women as plaintiffs being met and treated with respect and dignity?

The other day I browsed an Australian article picking up the Me too events in Sweden. How was it possible this is happening in one of the most gender equal countries in the world?

My guess is this is happening in most every country in the world. And by this I mean the sexual harassments going on everywhere in the society. The fact that women this fall in industry by industry, organization by organization, institution by institution in Sweden come forward telling the ugly truth might have something to do with equality. 

These patterns have been here for centuries. So has the silence surrounding them. The women wrongfully carrying the heavy weight of shame. The fact that they are finally lifting the shame off, putting it where it belongs might be because it actually is possible after all. I am thinking in many countries it is not.

Me too/part 2

Meanwhile the world is flooded with Me too-stories, more prominent men with famous faces is dragged out of their dark hidings. Some are not that surprising to me. Others, the kind of homegrown the-boy-next-door family types a bit more chocking. One thing is clear thoguh, they are everywhere. And we haven’t even seen the top of the ice berg I am sure. 

A while ago a young woman close to me told me about her latest visit at a club. Her stories made my jaws drop. 

She had been at this club with a girlfriend and they had been dancing. Because that’s what you do at a club. The two of them had been dancing together. Men had been circling them coming up from behind getting way to close. The two friends told them they weren’t interested and tried pushing them away. That didn’t help much. They fought to save each other from those intrusive males, and they even had to save women they didn’t know on the dance floor!

At one point the young women were sitting together at a table and two guys in their forties (my friend is 25) were approaching them. Started some kind of odd conversation. Again, my friend expressed they weren’t interested in their company and tried to ignore them. The men didn’t waver. Just stood their. And then one of them started licking his lips while looking at them.

I was absolutely stunned being conveyed this image from a club in 2017. Is this how it is now?!

In my youth I wasn’t a big club girl. Well, it wasn’t clubs, it was disco, of course. I really loved dancing and I knew all the Staying Alive-moves. I wasn’t comfortable in the environment though. I was tall and skinny and shy and nobody wanted to dance with me anyway. I was the one sitting in a corner at the table taking care of all my friends handbags while out on the dance floor. It wasn’t that much fun.

So, I don’t have any early experiences of being approached in inappropriate ways dancing and bar hopping. And I haven’t had an opportunity asking any of my more outgoing friends my age about their experience back then. Is this the way it has always been?

I don’t think so. As girls do, we always shared our stories and I don’t remember anything in the neighborhood of what I am realizing is going on out there right now.

What I am hearing today, is men/guys acting more or less like animals in a public setting. I don’t even have words for it. Is the world spinning back words? I can’t even say: has nothing changed? No, it seems things have changed in the wrong direction and for the worst. It’s outrageous. And you men out there heading for a night out, if you don’t start acting like respectful human beings you will be looking at a future with only men on the dance floor, are you sure that’s what you want?

No, we haven’t even seen the top of the ice berg. But what we see and what we hear now is actually causing repercussions in the society. But we have to continue telling our stories. Dragging every single (in this sense) dysfunctional male out of the dark. Being persistent. Raise our sons to good men. I want that ice berg to melt all the way down and make room for a solid ground where respectful men and and safe women can build an equal and good world together. Let's do it.

Me too

It wasn’t until I one evening suddenly was overwhelmed by anxiety and the need of a shower poring over me that I realized what had happened. I had the urge to sit in a bathtub scrubbing me down to my bones. Images I’ve watched so many times in movies. The classic scene. And I was thinking, is this what it feels like? I was 58 years old.

Until only three years ago I felt estranged from stories I heard from colleagues and friends of men approaching them in ways making them uncomfortable. It had never happened to me. And I had never been in a situation where I had been scared of a man. Not even on the street. All alone in Seattle or elsewhere.

I thought the reason was I was so unattractive it wouldn’t even cross ones mind to approach me. I know, of course, that sexual harassment is about power and nothing else. Yet.

Being a teenager I was the tall and skinny girl in a group of already highly developed curvy friends. I looked like a boy. Flat breasted without hips. Guys didn’t look at me twice. And that’s the image of and feeling for myself I have been carrying all through my life.

When I was a journalist I was stunned by female colleagues describing male co workers giving them inappropriate proposals or comments in editing rooms or out on a story. These were thick skinned, vociferous and highly competent women as active as any man in the conference room, always fighting for their story. Yet, somehow, this happened. I didn’t get it. It didn’t happen to me. And the only reason why, I figured, was: as a woman I was invisible.

Now. Some years ago a person crossed my path. We got along and I enjoyed his company. He entered in a time when I was in an extremely vulnerable place. He offered a supporting hand and a warm embrace. I liked the way he held me. It did me good.

He was very volatile though. One day he wanted to be my boyfriend, the next he had a different opinion. Now and then he kind of  jumped me and kissed me. It happened so fast I was startled and didn’t quite know how to react. I just kind of let it happen. And felt weird.

Until that day when we had The Talk. And he announced he wasn’t interested in a relationship. And then jumped me and kissed me. And I kicked him and shouted THIS IS WHERE YOU STOP!

It was that evening the anxiety kicked in. I felt dirty and wanted to crawl out of my skin. Or scrub it away. And I was thinking: so this is what it is like. This is where they have been, all the women in the movies. This is how it is to have your body kidnapped. How can I get it back and make it mine again?

Now, expressing this, I do it very matter of fact. And I am not giving a time frame. Only two people know about this and I have never formulated it in writing before, except to my journal. I need to keep some distance in this moment. 

Of course, this is nothing compared to what women go through. But to me, who during my 58 years of living never had experienced anything along these lines, it was major. Someone had crossed my borders. And I had let it happen. So why?

For one thing, in the beginning I really liked him. The other things was, if I had not been in that vulnerable place I don’t think it would have happened. I was just the perfect prey. In need of comfort. So easy for him to say, hey come here, we’ll figure this out. So easy for me to go there. I was taken advantage of.

There is also a third reason. I was a virgin in this situation. I didn’t reed the signs. I had no idea what was going on. Which is kind of cute, considering my age.

A male friend of mine and me have discussed this a lot. Why it hasn’t happened before. He is not quite buying my idea of being so appalling men would look in a different direction finding someone else to harass.

Instead he says: Maria, you have such body and personal integrity it wouldn’t even come to ones mind to approach you in an inappropriate way.

This is interesting. If that’s true, why is that? The only thing I can come up with is my father. I had my father’s eye, but he never treated me like his princess. I would say he raised me his equal. Moving in this world, I think I see myself a lot like him. Well-dressed and a head taller than everyone else. And I am not defining myself first as a woman. I am defining myself as me.

Why have I not talked about this incident before? Shame of course. And how much was I a part of it? It didn’t happen on the street. I know the criteria is when your body says no. But it took a while for it to do so. It’s those fine lines, the blurred borderland, so difficult to navigate. When a young boyfriend gets a hard on at every hug and you don’t like it. When you are having sex with your husband because it’s passed a month and you really should although you don’t want to.

So, what has this incident done to me? It has harmed me. The “feeling dirty” anxiety is easily trigged. A hug from someone I don’t know that well. Or someone taking an interest in me. I am damaged. And to that, this person is forever guilty.

Immunity. The insight I am not immune to this plague. That’s a shattering realization. This person deprived me of my immunity. Not too long ago someone made me a sexual insinuation. Has never happened before. I was so stunned I couldn’t even respond. Again, the need of that cleansing shower. Is this how this works? When you have once being robbed of your borders they aren’t visible anymore?

I feel like someone snatched away the protective mantle I have been wearing through my life, and at 58 I started wandering the world naked.