Apr 23, 2017

Watching my brain lit up

Easter Saturday I was invited to my sisters’ and her family. It was a really cozy afternoon and evening with nice food and in good company. In addition, it was the first time since Christmas I was socializing in a group of people.

The morning after, lying in my bed waiting for the Sunday home care personal coming to help me up I experienced something interesting. I could see my brain. In front of me. The beige-brown mass with the characteristic meanderings. And the meanderings started moving. And there was light. The brown mass changed into different clear colors. I saw my brain coming to life.

I’ve spent more than two months pretty much isolated in my house and in myself. The home care personal come helping every day, but as the focus for our time together is me and my situation the topics for our communication isn’t always that inspiring. No, the winter has been a sleeping brown brain mass, only darker here on the 64th latitude. 

Lying in my bed Easter Day morning seeing my moving lit up brain I could understand what was happening. For the brain communicating only with one person at the time and mostly on the same subject, it doesn’t require a lot of activity. I am guessing it can take care of that half a sleep.

The evening before though, I had been in a group of eight grown ups and two little children in a not too big apartment. To be a part of such a cluster you can’t be asleep. Neither me nor my brain. To interact needs work. Reading body language, facial expressions and the dynamics of the group. To be a part of the conversations needs split vision, attention, listening, reading the situation, reacting and acting. 

And that’s what I saw the morning after lying in my bed waiting for the one person coming to talk to me for some minutes. I could see and feel how the synapses in my brain had been activated, wanting to connect, feeling the energy of good and meaningful work, seeing the sun!

Lying there, it was sad for me realizing how important this is. For my brain. For me. And how rare the occasions are. Television is nice company (and I am only watching valuable television), but communicationwize it’s a one way street. I am beginning to think my brain is gradually dying. I can absolutely understand loneliness and isolation being a significant cause for dementia. 

So, how fun it was Friday evening having dinner with the alto colleagues in my choir! A group of loud women in different ages, throwing lines and sound bites at each other for my glowing synapses to catch.

I really hope there will be more opportunities for my brain to move and and lit up. It’s essential. It’s crucial. Or else, I am afraid, it and I will wither and die.

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