The no bad mood-win!

Yesterday I felt a little off. I shouldn’t, because the sun was out all day (the much there is) these last hours of Savings time and we hadn’t seen it for two weeks. It’s like when Mount Rainier suddenly occurs after a long time of over cast, oops, there it is, I kind of had forgotten about it! 

This last week has been a transition week between my Pre Fall and my Late Fall. I have spent September and October working on public relations for a new CD from my choir Sångkraft Chamber Choir and upcoming concerts marking the CD release, which happened last weekend. Most other things in my life I had put on hold so the to do-list for Late Fall is pretty extensive. But in-between, a week of  recuperation.

The off feeling yesterday I can’t really figure out, not that it’s that important. It wasn’t like I was in a bad mood…

Bad mood, I was thinking heading for bed, when am I ever in a bad mood? This was interesting pondering.

I can be angry. I can be frustrated. I can be sad. I can be melancholy. I can be in despair. I can be devastated. I can be annoyed. I can be mad. I can be in a good mood. And all the positive adjectives on that scale. But in a bad mood. Like in general. Waking up in a bad mood. Being and feeling grumpy. No. Never. I am realizing. Not any more. Very interesting.

In my former life I used to constantly be in a bad mood. At least that’s how I remember it. And how I am perceiving myself. A negative grumper - I just invented that word.

I have definitely become a better person, and I mean that. I’ve been working a lot with myself for many years, and I am different. But in my bed yesterday I am reflecting about something else on the case bad mood.

To quote Carrie Bradshaw, “I can’t help wondering”: is it because I am by myself?

I am spending most of my time alone. There is a lot to say about that of course. My solitary is not by choice and to a large extent it is a negative aspect of my life. But. There is no one here to annoy me! Well, that’s not entirely true. My home care personal are all wonderful people and like family to me, but my kitchen drawers are a mess (dear ones, that’s not entirely true either, but you know what I mean). Etc.

Like family to me. And I am thinking, is that one definition of family? The people closest to you can really put you in a bad mood? Get on you nerves. All those annoying little and big things you don’t agree on. You go to bed irritated about your teenagers not having a clue about their share of the family disorder and you try to sleep beside a snoring husband with whom you had the usual dsipute. No wonder you wake up in a bad mood! And does anything change during the day? Nope. So you go to sleep… and you wake up…

This is like an epiphany to me. I am really never in a bad mood anymore. And is the case that only people interacting with us on a daily bases are triggering our bad mood?! I am thinking I have had my share of bad moods in work places too.

I share my life with my adorable little lady cat Sorella. Like any family member she has her peculiarities. In a couple of aspects she is more like a dog. One of them is that she is not, like normal cats, hiding and covering her defecation. No, she prefers leaving her excrements right on the slate tiles leading up to the house. Or at the path from the baker’s cottage to the outhouse. Yesterday I ruined my second pair of sneakers in two weeks with walking right on it. 

This might be why I was a little bit off yesterday. Or because I had a lousy night although no one was snoring beside me. Or the fact that Late Fall is starting tomorrow and I have to take aggressive action on my to do-list. Lots of different feelings will show up as they always do and that’s fine and as it should be. But according to my new awakening, I will neither wake up in a bad mood, nor go to sleep in that state of mind. My nest has been empty for nine years, how interesting I haven’t realized that win until now!