I have this thing. Well, I have a lot of things, but I have this thing.
In June my grandfather’s mountain ashes guarding my place to the west fell for the chain saw. They were old. It was planned. It had to be done. It has taken me the summer to get used to the new scenery. Now I feel fine. More than fine actually. Kind of cleansed.
But for the longest time I felt out of balance. Wiggly. Unsteady. To a large extent it was about the balance of my place shifting. No border between my front yard and the fields. Making the east side feel heavy, and the west kind of up in the air.
But there was something else. The old trees were gone, but from the stump of the ones to the far north and south, new babies were already growing fast, so we saved them. And there was one more too, the idea was to rejuvenate all grandfather’s trees and in 20 years it would look really nice again. The trick is just to be patient and plan for your grandchildren and not for yourself.
Anyway, theres was this unbalance. I felt out of place. Couldn’t focus. Something was bugging me and I couldn’t figure out what. Looking everywhere. Work? Kids? The choir? Friends?
Then one day I realized. The shoot coming up the stump next to the south baby mountain ash was…. annoying. As much as I wanted shoots growing from every stump developing my 20-year plan, this one ruined my mental health.
I discussed the issue with Trouble 2, as it’s his future children's well being I am planning for. He agreed. We had to take care of the problem.
I simple regular saw did the job. And voila! I could breathe again! The picture was now well composed.
I found my footing. The rest of the summer has been harmonious.
Many years ago in Seattle my friend Annie found this funny little book at Barnes & Noble for me. The title was Wrong Shui. Telling about how drawers stacked next to each other affected us. How rooms and places cluttered without symmetry and meaning made us cluttered inside as well. The opposite to Feng Shui obviously, but I find Wrong Shui being the witty and perfect expression for the feeling. As a HSP I am ridiculously sensitive to any kind of imbalance.