Christian became my number 400 Facebook friend! It happened this week. As the winner of this title I offered him a delicious chanterelle dinner here at the end of the road. He accepted. It might be a while though since Christian lives in Paris.
I was a reluctant Facebook joiner, and it didn’t happen until 2010. I have a tendency of feeling invaded and the idea of a lot of people who I might even not know showing up on my computer was appalling to me.
The decision to join came with starting singing with my choir Kammarkören Sångkraft (Sångkraft Chamber Choir). It was after the cancer and a long time being out of context and community. In 24 hours I was befriended by about 30 choral singers, quickly added by Sångkraft alumni and some close friends finding me.
I did feel invaded though. What were all these people doing in my home? And I really hated the design of Facebook. Yuk! So ugly and totally without any sense of style and finish.
Trouble 2 taught me how to handle the “invasion”: Mom, think about it as you are taking a downtown walk. You see all these people and you might hear what they are saying, but you don’t need to take notice of them or say hello if you don’t want to.
It was a good advice. I learned to handle this new situation in my sacred home. Early on I also decided on only making friends with people I knew or had met. Except for a few exceptions when it comes to professionals in my field, I am still keeping that rule.
My relationship to Facebook is somewhat conflicted though. I know I am not the only one fed up with all the happy successful lives painted on peoples walls, and there are even scientific research proving that Facebook makes people depressed.
That’s not my biggest concern though. Trouble 2 was the one teaching me who to be on Facebook. Because that’s the thing. You need to learn not to be yourself. I can’t be Maria the complete person. I need to be only a part of me. And hide the most of me. Facebook makes us be half persons. If even.
It’a a peculiar situation. On the one hand we are living in this time of brutal transparency where people are turning their private lives inside out like it was a casual t-shirt. If you are not transparent ( especially as a public person) you have something to hide and are not reliable. On the other hand we learn the tactics of covering ourselves and our privacy by putting up a glossy facade, dispatching our difficulties and failures down in the darkest corner of our mental basements.
Is it really that bad? I actually think it is.
Facebook and social media really is a downtown square where we are meeting and displaying ourselves as in any other community. It is a reality as real as IRL. Only, with very little room for nuances, subtext, grey shades and context. We create a window reducing ourselves to a few black and white (mostly white, hide the black away) letters in a simple font. And where is the rest of yourself?
Well, hopefully most people have other communities. Other squares where they can be more real. Where there is time and space for a conversation that goes beyond the simple font. Where a person can be valuable in all his/hers complexity.
But if you don’t have that kind of environment? If you don’t have everyday people around you? If you don’t have a family? No friends showing up at you door step? If you don’t have a “how was your day”-conversation as an natural ingredients in your life?
If Facebook and social media is your connection to the world? What a distorted picture that world is. And what a distortion it will make out of you.
The 30-some friends who found me in my first 24 Facebook hours quickly increased to my first 100 thanks to the Sångkraft alumni and former work places such as Swedish National Radio and Television. 200 came pretty easy, when I reached 300 though I thought I had attained my limit, considering the only-people-I-know rule. But what do you know, here I am celebrating Christian, my 400 Facebook friend! And I just love when someone from my former life who I had forgot about shows up, and hey, here we are again!
I am distorted, of course I am. Most of the time I keep quiet down in my mental basement, to look after myself but also to not pollute the world out there.
For me though, physically limited as I am, not being able to get out and about, Facebook is a great asset. I can’t walk downtown squares, but I take my morning and evening Facebook stroll and get a sense of what’s going on out there. Even though the contact with former work colleagues and choral friends is mostly superficial, it is still a contact. And I have been moved to tears by people offering me the most unexpected help in my helplessness.
For me though, physically limited as I am, not being able to get out and about, Facebook is a great asset. I can’t walk downtown squares, but I take my morning and evening Facebook stroll and get a sense of what’s going on out there. Even though the contact with former work colleagues and choral friends is mostly superficial, it is still a contact. And I have been moved to tears by people offering me the most unexpected help in my helplessness.
There is one really nice thing with my only-people-I-know rule: scrolling my friends list I am doing it with a sweat little smile. Most every face that shows up makes me happy and grateful. 400 people who are or have been a part of my IRL. And those who I don’t meet in person any more, well, we are still sharing a tiny corner of our lives.
Today Facebook delivered it’s 10 year anniversary film on my wall. And yes, I can’t help being a bit moved. A bit moved by myself, how is that for a proof of this self reflecting time and age… anyway, enjoy!
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=656946267703529&set=vb.100001644844611&type=2&theater¬if_t=video_processed
No comments:
Post a Comment