The day was close to miraculous! This is what happened this week:
October 24 has
been in my calendar for a while. It’s been noted with an exclamation mark
although in my mind with quite some unease. What I was to do was in every sense
fantastic but required me on my feet for a whole day. Something that's been feeling absolutely impossible for the last month.
I used to be a TV
reporter and producer. And later I started my business in storytelling, which
included telling stories as film. And I loved it. I loved every part of it:
research, shooting and editing. Research is a lonely job; you do it yourself.
Shooting is teamwork with cameraman and sound engineer. And editing is tem work
with an editor. This is when you have a budget for a crew of course. A lot of
times I have been doing the photo and sound myself.
So, I love the
whole process. But most of all I love being on the field shooting with a crew.
I love the feeling of three persons doing their job together. Trusting each
other. To work with a cameraman who I know will provide me the footage I have
in mind and even surprise me with some
that I didn’t picture myself. And a sound guy (man and guy are
expressions here, from time to time they are women but I must admit it’s not
that common) that will add to those shots an enhanced experience, which a mono
camera microphone can never give. A chain is only as strong as the weakest
link. To be on a shoot confident that all links are equally strong is nothing
but pure happiness.
Now, as I have
been physically challenged for the last five years I haven’t been able to hunt
for or take on film productions and documentary work. Except for a little thing
last summer I haven’t been out on the field with a crew since 2007. 2007!
October 24 2013.
In my calendar: Shoot the opening day for the new downtown mall Utopia, the new
Winn Choice hotel, and research the cultural arts building Väven, still very
much work in progress.
I will get back to
the reason for all this in a posting ahead; for now let’s just leave it at the
fact of a crew shoot in my calendar.
Trouble 2 and
Audrey have stayed here for the last three weeks, that’s how bad my back has
been. Which was such bad timing (is there ever a good timing for a back being
out?) as I had just landed a big documentary storytelling project. The thing
was, I had been doing so much better during the summer, and throughout the
process of writing the synopsis and working on the budget I really felt like it
would be possible for me to do this! That I could pull off a documentary story
even including traveling! Ha!
Ha yeah… I turned
acute same week as I landed the project. I prepared cameraman Martin and sound guy Johannes for doing the Thursday October 24 shoot on their own.
They have been working together before, and I felt safe they would do a good
job.
Wednesday my body
felt different. Not twisted. No cramps. More even and leveled. Some pain of
course, but tolerable. And I went to bed feeling the shoot wouldn’t only
be possible but fun! I fell asleep not only looking forward to waking up in the
morning but, I couldn’t wait for tomorrow to start!
I am stopping
myself right there. This is such an unfamiliar feeling I need to look into
myself in search of when I last couldn’t wait for tomorrow.
I am searching. I
am looking. I can’t find it. There must be? No. I cannot remember falling
asleep desiring the day to come. My days are putting up with. Bearing. Coping.
Holding up. Endure. Abide. Breathing in and out. Surviving.
And hear I am,
lying in my bed, my chest happy and high like the night before summer camp when
I was a girl!
My body didn’t
fail me. I was on my feet all day. The opening of the mall. The walkthrough the
vast and tall Väven including ten stories (!) downstairs. And then, as a
finale, getting access to the corner room on the top floor of Hotel Winn.
Thursday had been foggy end heavily overcast like a Seattle fall day, but as
the remote controlled blinds came up with a buzzing sound, the sun peeped out
under the low clouds and transformed the east to west city view over the Umeå
River to something we haven’t really experienced before.
Umeå isn’t a
pretty city. It’s not bad or ugly, but it’s not pretty by regular standards.
It’s flat and it doesn’t have an interesting architecture. It looks like any
other northern Swedish coast town; they are actually hard to separate from each
other.
From the 12th
floor we experienced something different though. Martin, Johannes and I, all
three of us, had the same reaction: Look at that! Umeå looks good! Umeå is
quite pretty! Umeå is surprising us!
And we are
realizing that we can’t really see Umeå because there isn’t a viewpoint to
watch it from! We need a constructed height like a tall building to give us
some perspective! The old City Hall (1889) to Väven (2013) and everything in
between (most of Umeå was lost in the big fire 1888) actually makes the city
architectural diverse and colorful!
2007. I hadn’t
been on the field with a crew since 2007. But it was as natural as rain. Like
it was yesterday. And every day before that. I knew I missed it, but I didn’t
know how much. I knew not being able to do it is a big loss, but I didn’t
realize how repressed my grief and my needs were.
I felt let out of
the closet. I felt real. I felt true. My blurred eyes took a shower and started
framing pictures. My plugged ears popped and became aware of the city sounds.
My shut down mind came to life and I remembered how to do this. My methods, my
signature. And my love for being a part of a film crew, trusting the creative
process we are composing together.
And that was that
day. Thursday October 24. Friday I was still high from being out in the world,
doing what I feel I am meant to do. Saturday I woke up with my pelvic screaming
“danger ahead!” That Thursday was miraculous. And I am so incredibly happy and
grateful that it happened. A blessed bliss.
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