Is it the daylight-lamp accompanying my breakfast? The Italian trip back in September? My back being a tiny bit more stable? My spruced up kitchen?
Today it’s Trettondagen, the 13th day after Christmas marking the end of the Swedish Holidays. I’ve spent it with Audreys big family, 13 people from four generations around my kitchen table, such great finale!
I’ve had the best Holiday in years and I am so grateful. Furthermore, I actually feel happy about starting a new year!
A year ago I had come to a different level of acceptance regarding my situation. Entering a new year can be difficult when you know there is little room for improvement. It is what it is. But last year I felt like that was okay. A kind of contentedness related to resignation. It’s been peaceful. But grey.
Starting 2019 is different again. Already in December I felt like spring was around the corner. I am pretty sure that has to do with the terrific daylight lamp Fay lended me mid November. Spending 30 minutes in clear daylight in the morning has kept me out of that pitch black fall/winter tunnel always surrounding me this time of year, I can truly recommend it!
But what’s most remarkable is, I want things! For years and years (except for my 60th when my stars must have been lined up quite differently!) my will power has been stored in a locked drawer. Key thrown away. For the best. I am a strong-willed person and to keep my sanity I am better off not hanging out with my will power. Not a great companion when you also need to be friends with acceptance.
I think it’s the kitchen. It’s got to be my spruced up yellow kitchen. The fact that I could conduct such a face lift, as well as the result of it. It brought me happiness and self confidence: what more could I carry through?
The trip to Italy of course. Traveling has been absolutely out of the question since 2012, but there I was! With the help and assistance of dear and patient friends of course, but nevertheless, I’ve been out in the world again!
http://homeisawayawayishome.blogspot.com/2018/09/can-you-believe-it-ive-been-traveling.html
http://homeisawayawayishome.blogspot.com/2018/09/can-you-believe-it-ive-been-traveling.html
None of these things had been possible though if my back hadn’t been cooperative. It was difficult of course, but doable. The summer heat was good to my body, and the benefits from it seem to still be lingering. I am incredibly grateful.
And that’s why the entrance of 2019 feels good. That’s why the locked away will-power is finding it’s way out. My mind is expanding in directions it hasn’t visited for a long time. Road blocks are being moved.
I won’t list the roads I am glancing at. The other day I slipped at a black-ice spot, it’s all so fragile and I can’t risk jinxing with saying things out loud.
Except for one thing. I am looking at my hallway/entrance. I have been for years. I know exactly which colors I would pick. And how happy they would make me…
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