Being a part of their baby sister’s wedding

Becca was three years old when I first met her. A shy little girl who hided behind her mother’s legs, peaking at me from a safe spot. Today she is an outgoing tall slender woman who is fluent in Spanish and Italian and a professional dancer. And last Saturday she married.

Summer 1995 we happened to stay in a house across the road from the Smitth-Heffron-Herring residence. Little did we know that family would become friends for life and the start for an expanded Seattle experience. 

The idea to live abroad was mine. The fact that Seattle came to be our second home a coincidence, or if you would prefer some other word for it. My sons were at that point too young to have a say. Later though, there were times they would have preferred to be in Sweden and it took a bribe or two to make them come along.

During all those years when I dragged my sons across the ocean between their two homes I came up with reasonable arguments for doing so. I saw it as I provided them one more country, one more continent, one more language, one more culture and one more family. The Stolterman Seattle crowd, a bunch of interesting, loud, fun people who liked us as much as we liked them. And, I said to myself, I will continue doing so until they are old enough to decide if they want that second home or not.

August 17 2019 Trouble 2 and Audrey were a part of Becca´s wedding.

Trouble 2 was 7 that summer 1995 when 3-year old Becca was hiding behind her mom. A little too far from each other in age to be able to play together. But as you know, age differences become less of a problem as time goes by, and they found ways to enjoy each other and have grown really close over the years. Trouble & Trouble have the privilege of being treated with four Seattle siblings, and Becca is the baby sister. 

Right before Christmas last year I got a message from Becca telling me that she would get married to the man in her life. And that I was invited! I bursted into tears. So happy for her, and so honoured, grateful and moved that she wanted me to be a part of it. Oh how I wanted to be there on her big day! I actually had some imaginary plans for it to happen, but in the end I couldn’t make it. 

Trouble 2 and Audrey did though! And they even got to be in the close circle of family and friends who arranged all the practicalities for the big bash out on the Olympic Peninsula. On my Saturday evening I texted Trouble 2 a hi to everyone. He responded he just hugged the bride from me and that they were all off for the wedding. What a day this will be!

At that moment I became very emotional. It all moved closer to me. Yes, I was 3000 miles away but in that moment we were together.  And I admit I was sad. Not getting to be there at the biggest day in Becca’s life this far. And digging deeper into those feelings I found that most of all I was sad to not share this day with her parents, my dear friends. We have been through so much together over the years, good and bad, and this would have been such a beautiful moment to add.

Was it the right thing to force Seattle on my sons? Well, now they are definitely grown up and can choose for themselves. In 2012 Trouble 1 was one of the wedding ceremony witnesses for the Seattle big brother Reed, along with his sister. And now Trouble 2 was a part of baby sister Becca’s wedding. For me, who has a tendency of seeing time and life as big arches, this is beautiful. 

And it’s big. They have each other, this six-clover now extended with girlfriend, boyfriends, fiancé, husband, wife and even children and step children. They have each other and I hope and trust they always will. 

Getting to be the container of her future

There are three possible ways for this story to begin.

I have this old hay barn.

My cousin lives in Miami.

My cousin-daughter, the cosmopolite, for now calls London home.

And this is the story.

Lovisa was born in Umeå. She grew up in Miami. And studied fashion design in Washington DC, London and Paris. As her mother comes from Asia, that part of the world is also home to her.

Northern Sweden with grandparents, uncles, aunts and cousins are very dear to Lovisa.  And there has been this summer house with the fire place, the out house and the boat in the lake which can take you to the island with the cutest cabin, no running water neither electricity.

But times changes and this summer it was finally due to close the summer house for good. This is sad for all of us, but especially for Lovisa. She wanted so badly to keep some of the furniture and special memories for the future. To keep the Northern Swedish part of her soul. But where will the future be? And where to store her Swedish soul until she finds out?

Don’t you have an old barn somewhere, my cousin asks me from Miami. I sure do I responded, stressing the word old. There are big holes in the roof and therefor the floor is giving in.

We came up with a solution. One of my handy men in cooperation with Trouble 1 - the Spider Man who is more comfortable on a roof ridge than anywhere else - put new tin plates where the wind had taken the old ones. And repaired the floor.

I can’t say how happy I was to get my old barn fixed. It really needed to be done anyway. Win win!

A couple of weeks ago my cousin and Lovisa showed up in the late evening, a big truck loaded with her souvenirs. Lifting, carrying, lifting, carrying. With Tetris skills packing it all in in the left part of my barn. It all locked good and the three of us were satisfied with our plan and the result of it.

Too good to be true? Well… During a heavy rain this week we discovered water was leaking in after all. Not where the roof was mended but through tiny holes all over which I kind of new about but had forgotten (repressed) as they were nothing compared to the gaping square meters, consequences of last winter’s snow storms.

I felt absolutely miserable. I had promised Lovisa a safe home for her future and it turned out I was totally unreliable!

What to do? Fortunately my cousin is a true optimist and problem solver. A real fixer. And between us we could take care of it, at least that’s what we hope. I found the perfect big sturdy plastic sheets in my wood shed, and my cousin created a tent to cover the furniture.

It’s raining now. Pretty heavy. And I must admit it makes me nervous. I so much want to do this for Lovisa. I kept my storage in Seattle until two years ago. I kept my hope and my dream. I kept my American life in a Safeguard unit on Martin Luther King Way.

I want Lovisa to be able to keep her Swedish childhood. And the dream of setting it up somewhere in the world in a future. Or maybe a Northern Swedish cabin. For now though, it’s covered under plastic sheets in my old hay barn here at the end of the road.