It used to be on Kastrup, the Copenhagen airport, that I changed the greeting message on my cell: “From so and so to so and so I will be in Seattle. I won’t check for messages on my Swedish number, if you want to get hold of me please email me or call my Seattle number, 206 465 0540.”
And somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean I switched SIM card, to my American one. And that’s where I switched life. From my Swedish to my American. Arriving at Seatac airport, turning my cell on, it was inhabited only by my Seattle people. Yes, I really had two lives. It feels unreal now. Oh how I loved it. And oh how I miss it.
This week it is time to refill my ATT account for my phone. As long as there is money on the account I get to keep my number. During the years I was commuting between Sweden and U.S. I took care of that before I returned to Sweden. Last time I left Seattle was September 2012, therefore September is my refill month. 100 $ and I am good for a year.
206 465 0540. I love that number. I love my Seattle phone number. Isn’t that just the prettiest number? It makes me warm inside. I am expanding. 206 is the Seattle area code. My Seattle. 465 0540 is me. My Seattle identity. I have a Seattle phone number. I am a Seattleite.
In my dream life I would live in Seattle. This dream was vividly alive for many many years, so strong I was absolutely positive it would happen some day. That’s where I was heading all those commuting years, it couldn’t be any other way.
In 2007 I started to prepare for it. Not full time, as my sons were in Sweden, but definitely 3-4 months a year divided in two periods, you don’t want to mess with the U.S. Immigration…Trouble & Trouble were 19 and 21 and I was thinking they could be without their mama for a month or two once in a while.
I bought a car! Yes, I bought my own car in Seattle! That’s a different story I will tell at some point, but the bottom line was I now had my own transportation vehicle! And one more Seattle identity. A phone number and a car.
Next step was a storage unit. For years I had been harassing my friends with my boxes of necessities which I needed for making myself Seattle homes where ever I stayed. And my Tempur Pedic mattress. My life savor, my back couldn’t make it without that mattress. So my poor friends had been harboring this voluminous survivor kit of mine in their basements during my longer period of Swedish life. And during my Seattle life, even myself.
So, now I had a phone number, a car, a storage unit (with pretty much a view over the new Light Rail (!) and my dreams extended to a hubris magnificent of my own place. The idea of my own home during my stays, which I could rent when I wasn’t there. An impossible dream of course as I didn’t own a fortune.
Anyway, I was all set to take on the next step of my life. But life wasn’t ready. Life had different plans for me. Life had a crashed back and cancer in store for me.
For three years I was placed in my Swedish life utterly challenged by pain and a life threatening disease. I didn’t think I would ever see Seattle again. But I did.
Summer 2010 I was back. And 2011. And 2012. I switched my SIM card. I drove my car. I rented pent houses with killer views where I slept on my Tempur Pedic. Only once a year, and most times stuck in that pent house with my back out. But I was back. Thinking it would continue that way.
Once again though my agenda wasn’t coordinated with whatever runs my life. In November I have practically been bed ridden with severe back problems for three years. And not being able to visit Seattle this summer pushes me over an invisible line. I’ve never been away from Seattle longer than this. If I had been able to make it over this year I had still been on track, even if it was only a three year track. But now…
To be realistic, there is no way I can see it happen. To make the trip all the way over. And to find someone who can be with me there, someone who would enjoy (!!!) driving in Seattle.
My storage unit has become quite expensive, an considerable amount every month. And my car needs work done, right now it’s not drivable because of some silly hang up in the alarm system.
So, the wise thing would be to not refill my ATT account this week. To start letting go.
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