Speaking up for difference / part 2

It didn’t work. It didn’t work at all. The Minister of Social Security felt personally offended and the booking agency probably won’t hire me again.

I am talking about the conference on the subject The Swedish Welfare State last week where I was asked giving my point of view on the theme, looking through my Swedish American eyes but also telling my personal story from within the welfare system. And to some parts without the system.

Now, I am not concerned about having offended a minister within the Swedish government. But I do feel bad about the booking agency. For my sake and their. I don’t want them to loose a client because of me. So, what happened?

Well, back in September when they contacted me I asked up about the fact that my name was under the paragraph “entertainment” in the program. I communicated that my message wouldn’t be entertaining in that sense; my personal story wasn’t a rosy one. They told me not to worry about it; “entertainment” was just a mark for something different in the program. So I trusted their word.

-       Why what happened, Sweden has always been the land of our dreams?

That was the start of my story (a quote from a Seattle friend), and the start of the short draft they requested and bought, back then. In my mind that very sentence made it pretty cleat that my story would contend some criticism about the development of the route Sweden has chosen. And a couple of weeks before the conference I was in contact with the organizer at The Social Insurance Agency (Försäkringskassan), we emailed my draft script back and forth and agreed on the big lines of it. I felt safe about my message. Yet, something went wrong.

- We had requested entertainment: you delivered a piece of opinion.

One thing is clear. The program handed out at the conference still addressed me as entertainment. And if you are expecting a stand up, line dance or an up lifting success story, not only will you be disappointed, but upset. The expectations wrong, the message wrong and I will be wrong.

My first, second and third reaction to this disaster was terrible. Absolutely terrible. I had felt safe in my communication with the booking agency and their client. I was positive we had an understanding and an agreement. And it turned out we didn’t.

Also. I felt terrible when it came to my own intentions for this day. I wanted to tell my story in the way that it would be received well. Not only out of respect for my own story, but for the importance of the message. This was a chance to reach people who in their everyday work are handling people who have been struck by life misfortunes: illness, loss of job, workplace, colleagues, context, meaning, identification, money, simply loss of what makes you a person in this society. And it was also a chance to reach researchers in this field and politicians who make the decisions about the structures for our lives.

I failed. I thought I did it so well. Starting by praising Sweden (from my heart!), ending by praising Sweden (from my heart!). But in between I spoke my mind. I delivered a piece of opinion, that’s true. Out of my own experience from a country that from my view has changed for the worse when it comes to welfare. The welfare that has been the trademark of Sweden. And by speaking up I closed down the communication between the auditorium and me. All the nice (and true!) things I said about Sweden weren’t received. And that remembered was me addressing the Minister of Social Security himself. Which, turned out wasn’t allowed.

I knew I was walking a fine line here, right at the middle of my speech. Preparing it I was debating sending the full script to the organizer, to get a green light. To be safe. But then again, something stopped me. It didn’t feel right. Having being asked to talk at a conference arranged by The Swedish Social Insurance Agency and the Swedish Pensions Agency, other speakers all academic researchers, civil servants and politicians, this was the heart of the Swedish welfare democracy. It felt very wrong to have my story checked before going on stage.

I would have been stopped. Would I have wanted that? Well, I do feel really bad for the booking agency, although the entertainment failure has to be on their account. And it was self-sabotage when it comes to my hypothetic future storytelling in public matters. But, what feels like a complete failure at first, second and third might not be in a larger perspective.

So, why did my story close down the communication between the auditorium and me? Well, maybe because it actually did hurt. And when things hurt, there is always the option of shutting down. I know I had their attention. Everyone in that room watching me while speaking. People looking up from their computers. The governor (landshövding) stopped Facebooking. Only Ulf Kristersson (Moderate), the Minister of Social Security looking away, half smiling. I think I had him too.

But except for the vice chairman of the Committee for Social Insurance in the Swedish Parliament, Tomas Eneroth (Social Democrat), who applauded my performance with an excited hand shake, business card and a “I will contact you!”, I wasn’t inspiring and uplifting within that auditorium comfort zone.

Maybe it wasn’t all bad though? Maybe making the Minister of Social Security personally offended is an accomplishment? Maybe some little piece from my story found it’s way through the auditorium shield? A tiny needle poking around in the body? One word sticking uncomfortably in the mind? An annoying splinter glued to the soul? Making a teeny bit of difference after all?